December 12th, 2012
It's 3am and the computer is on. The screen illuminates the room and wakes me from my sleep. Ryan was here...
13 years ago today, I lost my best friend and older brother, Ryan Michael Jones. He left this world at the age of 18 after being pinned against a tree following a motor vehicle accident. He took his last breaths in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
I can still remember the sound of my mom screaming as she received the late night phone call, the voice on the other end uttering the words that no mother should ever have to hear, "I'm sorry ma'am, but your son is dead."
Fast forward 13 years later and here I am lying in bed, brightness of the computer screen filling the room. "Hi Ryan" I say out loud. Throughout the years following his death, Ryan has visited me numerous times and always around the time of his death. I'm not sure why, but he always shows his presence by utilizing electronics. Today, it was by turning a computer on. Visits in the past have included messing with alarm clocks and even turning on flashlights.
As I arise from my small bed of tears and head to the shower, the question that plagues me is, "Would he be proud?" Would he be proud?? Would he be proud?!?! I have to stop myself from screaming it...
As I exit the shower I re-enter the bedroom to my fiance crying. She just received the message that her grandmother passed. Weird how the world works...
Now, would THEY be proud? This is one of the most powerful questions I have ever asked myself. We are used to hearing it as a child in regards to our parents, but as an adult in regards to a passed loved one, this question carries a tremendous amount of weight (no respect mom and dad).
We must not take this life for granted. It can be gone at the age of 18 or while in your 80's laying in your death bed. Truth is, we never know when our time here is done. Ryan was young and talented beyond belief and had his life cut short. That is pure potential that never got it's chance to express.
It's been said, "Don't die with your music still in you." It's up to me, right now, not tomorrow or in a week, to squeeze every moment of every day. To live a life un-inhibited. To break records and the boundaries of the human mind. To challenge that which was previously thought impossible. To help create a cultural shift centered on loving one another and expanding human consciousness. And to do it all, now, 100%.
So, would they be proud? At this moment in time, I hope so.
RIP Ryan Jones 12-12-99
RIP Doreen Soares 12-12-12
In making you proud, Brett J.
